Beth Bauer is the former executive director for Gathering on the Green, a member of the Mequon-Thiensville Sunrise Rotary Club, and the author of “Relationship Rights (and Wrongs)”
After years of marriage counseling that still ended in divorce, Beth wanted to use her experience to help other people find answers that could lead to healthier relationships. The first important distinction she sought to make was a compatible vs a healthy relationship. in a compatible relationship, the participants can simply tolerate the actions of their partner, but do not inspire growth. In a healthy relationship, the partners appreciate and enhance all the things that make someone unique.
The key discussion in her book is on the topic of relationship rights which she relates to lights at a traffic signal personal rights (green), benefit rights, and safety rights (red). Those personal rights go with you whether you are in a relationship or not. These are the traits that define you as an individual such as your creativity, intelligence, and friends. This is your right that defines you as an individual. For Benefit rights, both partners need to yield to each other to give and get benefits. You know you can share your feelings and concerns and they will be respect accepted with respect,honesty and trust. Finally, we have safety rights. we all have the right to feel safe in a relationship. You should feel good about yourself as an individual without your actions being controlled by another through criticism. you should Stop that relationship if you don't feel safe from blame, humiliation, or jealousy. This goes beyond relationships with a partner and should be thought of for everything from parent child to business partners.
It is important that your relationships share goals and the partnership enhances your progress toward those mutual goals. Also, everyone should be treated as equal because we are more the same than we are different.